Black curls, a colored bandana and a big curly black beard, hiding a pair of blue eyes. A white T-shirt with V-neck, strapped together with a thick rope. Finally, a beaded necklace and a pentagram around his neck to finish of this old hippie. The five of us formed a team that could not only DIY, but also worked together very successfully during that period. A lot changed with the arrival of the hippie. I could see a lot of things in his eyes, which seemed so clear. I heard frustration in his voice, and judgment in his stories. In his way of doing things, I saw a great need to be perfect in everything he did. But above all, this man sparked outrage in me.
So it was time to look in the mirror. In this mirror, I saw old patterns from myself. Nothing new, nothing I didn’t already know. Then why did I feel anger? I pondered and I wrote, I drew and meditated. I decided it to be important not to be put off by the sadness, frustration and loneliness of this man, but to be true to myself. When he made my blood boil again, I decided to show my sincerity and vulnerability and tell him I felt sick. By doing that, I felt a whole lot better.
There is a generous amount of love shared here.
I have difficulty falling asleep because of the newly acquired energy that flows inside of me. In the morning I give extra attention to my grounding, and I try to stay true to myself, despite the hippie telling me about all the inequality in the world and about his loneliness. I do recognize all of it. I too have missed the connection and felt sadness, because I didn’t feel at home in the life I was living. Unlike him, who has been in flight for over 17 years, I accepted my pains, and I know my heart is my home. I try to make this clear to him, flowing over with emotions. I also tell him about the moment I chose for myself. I advise him to do the same, to choose for himself and face his pain. He listens in silence, and gives me a hug afterwards.
It still felt like something was about to happen. I felt weird, absent-minded and tired that day. During lunch, tears briefly flowed. In the evening however, I could no longer withstand the tears, after receiving a letter from Ecolonie. It has been a dynamic week, with a lot of new learning points. I feel a huge amount of love for all the volunteers; Johann, Annika, Roelie and Eddy. I feel relieved that isolating the roof of the shed is almost done. I tell this to the group in tears. I will never forget the group-hug that followed…